Co-parenting vs. Parallel parenting: Understanding the Benefits, Drawbacks and Impacts on Children

When families transition through separation or divorce, one of the most important decisions parents face is how they will continue to raise their children. Two common approaches—co-parenting and parallel parenting—offer different frameworks for sharing parental responsibilities. Each has its own strengths, limitations, and implications for a child’s wellbeing.

In this post, we’ll explore what each model looks like, why families may choose one over the other, and how each approach influences children both short-term and long-term.

What Is Co-Parenting?

Co-parenting is a collaborative approach where both parents actively work together to raise their child(ren). Decision-making, communication, and coordination remain shared responsibilities. Although the romantic relationship has ended, the parenting relationship stays interconnected.

Key Features of Co-Parenting:

• Frequent, open communication

• Aligned rules, routines, and expectations across households

• Joint decision-making on education, health, and activities

  
  

• A commitment to teamwork despite past conflict

Benefits of Co-Parenting:

• Consistency and stability: Children experience fewer mixed messages when both homes operate with similar expectations.

  
  

• Positive modeling: Kids learn conflict resolution, cooperation, and respectful boundaries.

  
  

• Enhanced emotional security: Knowing their parents can work together helps children feel secure and reduces loyalty conflicts.

  
  

• Reduced stress for the child: Fewer transitions marked by tension or hostility.

  
  

Drawbacks of Co-Parenting

• Requires low to moderate conflict between parents: High-conflict dynamics can make co-parenting emotionally unsafe for both parents and children.

  
  

• Demands communication skills: If communication breaks down, misunderstandings or power struggles can increase tension.

  
  

• Not appropriate for situations involving abuse, manipulation, or coercive control.

  
  

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What Is Parallel Parenting?

Parallel parenting allows both parents to remain involved in their child’s life while minimizing direct contact with one another. Each parent handles day-to-day responsibilities independently during their parenting time, reducing opportunities for conflict.

This model is especially useful when co-parenting is not feasible due to ongoing tension, differing communication styles, or high-conflict separation.

Key Features of Parallel Parenting:

• Limited communication, often structured or written

  
  

• Clear boundaries and detailed parenting plans

  
  

• Independent decision-making for day-to-day matters

  
  

• Minimal interaction during transitions or scheduling

Benefits of Parallel Parenting

• Reduces exposure to conflict: The child is shielded from arguments, tension, or triangulation.

  
  

• Creates emotional safety: When communication is limited and structured, both parents often feel more in control and less reactive.

  
  

• Allows both parents to stay involved even when they cannot collaborate effectively.

  
  

• Supports healing: Time and distance may reduce long-term conflict and support the possibility of healthier communication in the future.

Drawbacks of Parallel Parenting

• Less alignment between households: Rules, routines, and expectations may differ significantly.

  
  

• Minimal joint decision-making may lead to inconsistency or confusion for the child.

  
  

• Potential for miscommunication if communication tools are not clear or monitored.

  
  

• Parents may feel disconnected from the other parent’s experiences with the child.

  
  

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How These Parenting Models Impact Children

Regardless of the parenting structure, research consistently highlights one central truth:

Children thrive when they feel safe, loved, and shielded from adult conflict.

Impacts of Co-Parenting on Children

• When co-parenting is healthy and cooperative, children often benefit from:

  
  

• Stability and predictable routines

  
  

• Lower stress levels

  
  

• Stronger emotional regulation

  
  

• Healthy attachments with both parents

  
  

• Reduced feelings of guilt or responsibility

However, if co-parenting is forced in a high-conflict situation:

• Children may become caught in the middle

  
  

• Transitions can be stressful or chaotic

  
  

• Anxiety and behavioral difficulties may increase

  
  

Impacts of Parallel Parenting on Children

When conflict is high, parallel parenting can be a protective approach that:

• Significantly reduces children’s exposure to parental conflict

  
  

• Allows children to relax and focus on their relationship with each parent separately

  
  

• Supports emotional recovery after tense or hostile interactions

But potential challenges include:

• Adjusting to different rules in different homes

  
  

• Confusion if communication between parents is unclear

  
  

• Difficulty understanding why parents don’t interact

With a well-structured plan, most children adjust to parallel parenting well—especially when tension decreases and each parent provides a safe, nurturing environment.

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Choosing the Right Model for Your Family

• No single approach is “better” for all families. The best model depends on:

  
  

• The level of conflict between parents

  
  

• Each parent’s communication skills

  
  

• The presence of safety concerns

  
  

• The child’s age, temperament, and needs

  
  

• The ability and willingness of each parent to collaborate

  
  

General Guidelines

Choose co-parenting when communication is respectful and both parents can collaborate without hostility.

Choose parallel parenting when interactions are high-conflict, emotionally unsafe, or unpredictable.

Many families also shift over time—starting with parallel parenting for stability, then slowly moving toward a more cooperative co-parenting approach as conflict decreases.

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Final Thoughts

Whether parents choose co-parenting or parallel parenting, the overarching goal remains the same: to prioritize the child’s wellbeing and create a safe, nurturing environment in both homes.

Research has shown that exposure to conflict and family dysfunction in early childhood can lead to mental and physical health issues later in life. The brains of children who experience these types of events look the same as the brains of soldiers who have experienced combat in scans. Furthermore, there is also research that supports that early intervention can lessen the impact and progression of intergenerational trauma caused by conflict and family dysfunction. For a deeper dive on the research and health outcomes later in life for those who experience Adverse Childhood Events (ACEs) please, contact us here to request a PDF.

Whether you have been divorced for years and you need some additional support or you and your partner have decided to separate and you need support with navigating your next steps, retaining the proper professional will help you decide your best path forward. For a snap shot of divorce requirements in the province of Saskatchewan and information about the best professional for your needs, click here.

A minister's-list recognized family arbitrator, mediator or parenting coordinator will be able to sign a certificate of participation if you need to come up with a parenting plan in order to access the courts for divorce. On the other hand a qualified Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) practitioner such as a coach, counsellor or therapist can support with communication and parenting challenges outside the courts.

To view a list of qualified ADR professionals in the province of Saskatchewan, click here.

By choosing a structure that reduces conflict and supports healthy parent-child relationships, families can move forward in a way that promotes resilience, stability, and healing.